Deep Thoughts

Recently I have been doing some thinking while going through my third Whole30. When I readย It Starts with Food they discussed the idea of food grief, and I felt like I went through a lot of that in January, but what I am coming to realize is that this food grief is happening each time I do this. I give up something I love each time I do this permanently. And I grieve. This time around I decided that I am giving up Starbucks for good. I have used up all the money on my gift card, and my free drink. I don’t need it. I feel fine and energetic without it. Plus it was extra sugar I just didn’t need. Sugar that then helped me justify other sugary things I ate. I love you Starbucks, but we are done.

So what exactly have I given up since the beginning of the year? Pasta, bread, Starbucks, snacks that aren’t veggies or fruit. I am sure there is more, but I can’t remember what it is. I haven’t fully given up sugar, but my intake is minimal. But I have grown to appreciate the taste of herbs in all my foods. I find those much more stimulating to my pallet than the old processed foods I used to eat. It took me over six months and three whole30’s to get here. And I am by no means cured of my addiction to sugar, I am not even sure I can be cured and if that is realistic.

With this latest Whole30 I feel like a switch has been turned on, I feel more in control, less filled with cravings and that I am finding my groove. I need this to happen as I am tired of going back to my “old ways” of eating afterwards. What would be beneficial is if there was some kind of guideline for post-Whole30.

I am a work-in-progress. Never perfect, but always trying. And trying to not feel guilty about eating sugar or only going to Crossfit twice a week because my life is so fucking busy I don’t know how to make everything come together. I am even considering taking a few weeks off from Crossfit because I need some down-time. I don’t know. It’s hard right now.