I was reading the timeline and day 10-11 is when people usually quit, and I can see why. I went into day 10 thinking “that’s preposterous, you’ve come so far!” but after breakfast it started to sink in. The challenge is emotional and it stinks. It didn’t help that had extra challenges to go with it. Oh and I was having gut issues.
- Sweets in the Office–we had a kick-off meeting on Thursday and there was cake, cookies, lasagna, candies and granola. I wasn’t physically tempted, I wasn’t craving sugar. But being in a social situation where I was exempt from participating sucked. And it made me sad. This kicked in the emotional toll this challenge is having on me.
- Emotionally Missing Old Food–I am kind of angry at the world right now. I am upset that the food I miss made me chubby, has hurt my insides and created an unhealthy relationship with me. I also miss some of them. And to have them flaunted at me, eaten in front of me sucks and, quite frankly, pisses me off. I feel like I am even more not part of society. I mean I am one of five people at work who brings their own food to work for lunch and am not part of certain social circles because of that. And yes I am whining. And having a pity party of one. Thankyouverymuch.
- Gut Issues–on Wednesday my body started to freak out over food. I started to lose everything. I re-read It Starts With Food and it says that as my gut heals I will go through this. It just happened to coincide with all the junk floating around the office and my emotional issues kicking into high gear. And although I was happy my gut was healing, it also pissed me off that I was eating the most vegetables in my life, eat the least amount of sweets in my life and my body was in pain. Again, I recognize my whininess.
I also find the analogies on the Whole30 website to be wrong. They say doing this for 30 isn’t hard but giving birth is. Well, is giving birth an emotional pain? No. I got over the physical yearnings for my old food a week ago. Now we are in new trenches that I have never been good at navigating. I always gave into my brain when the going got tough. I don’t have this chubby body out of pure luck. I am not used to telling myself NO. So now I am getting the kick-back from doing this for the first time and it is hard. And it’s hard on a level that no analogy can compare to. But this is also important. I need to learn to say no to myself more often, I need to be healthier in my choices after the 30 days are over. There is no resource that helps you get over the emotional attachment I have to the food I love that doesn’t love me back. I mean really, who writes a book on how to deal with grief over the loss of your favourite food??
I am ready for the Tiger Blood. I really want this to start getting easier.