I was watching Extreme Weight Loss the other day and the person going through the process had to throw a weighted ball on the ground while yelling out the things people said or did to them that made them feel awful about being overweight. I watched them cry and acknowledge what happened to them and thought, “why not?” and so over the past week I have been thinking of all the times I was made fun of, belittled or subtly put down. I had to think back because it’s been a long time, but let’s just say that kids can be cruel and considering I have never been thin, I was consistently made fun of. I don’t know if a developed a thick skin or what, but at some point I began to forget and moved on to love the joy in my life.
– In elementary school a girl made me sit in her spit and then announced it to the class
– In elementary school a girl called me a “fat flea bag”. I slapped her across the face and she tried to fight me. Surprisingly, after that incident, we became fast friends.
– In elementary school I was told to kill myself because I was large.
– In middle school a guy would throw snowballs filled with ice at me because I was the “largest target in the entire school”.
– In high school a guy kept poking me with his pen and told me he was harpooning me. Insinuating I was a whale. This wasn’t the first or the last time he called me fat. He would call me fat or ugly almost daily from grade 7 until he was sent to boarding school in grade 9. He’s lucky I was so insecure, or else I would have punched him out. Him leaving high school was the best thing that could have happened to my self esteem.
I know that what was said still manifests in some aspect at points in my life, but I am incredibly thankful that I made the friends I did late in high school and that I am no longer the little girl who walked with her head down and tried to hide during recess to avoid being taunted by the popular kids. I am much more confident and if anyone disrespects me or anyone I love, I will defend myself and them fiercely. And if that is who I have become due to being taunted by the idiot “popular” kids, then I accept that. I embrace it. I am so strong and confident. I own who I am and if someone doesn’t like me, I don’t want them in my life.
Please don’t feel bad for me. Just know that this is why I am so driven. Why, when I lift heavy weights, I am telling all these people to take their hate and put it back on themselves. Know I didn’t just survive, I thrived.