ex bulliesI was watching Extreme Weight Loss the other day and the person going through the process had to throw a weighted ball on the ground while yelling out the things people said or did to them that made them feel awful about being overweight. I watched them cry and acknowledge what happened to them and thought, “why not?” and so over the past week I have been thinking of all the times I was made fun of, belittled or subtly put down. I had to think back because it’s been a long time, but let’s just say that kids can be cruel and considering I have never been thin, I was consistently made fun of. I don’t know if a developed a thick skin or what, but at some point I began to forget and moved on to love the joy in my life.

– In elementary school a girl made me sit in her spit and then announced it to the class

– In elementary school a  girl called me a “fat flea bag”. I slapped her across the face and she tried to fight me. Surprisingly, after that incident, we became fast friends.

– In elementary school I was told to kill myself because I was large.

– In middle school a guy would throw snowballs filled with ice at me because I was the “largest target in the entire school”.

– In high school a guy kept poking me with his pen and told me he was harpooning me. Insinuating I was a whale. This wasn’t the first or the last time he called me fat. He would call me fat or ugly almost daily from grade 7 until he was sent to boarding school in grade 9. He’s lucky I was so insecure, or else I would have punched him out. Him leaving high school was the best thing that could have happened to my self esteem.

ex bodyI know that what was said still manifests in some aspect at points in my life, but I am incredibly thankful that I made the friends I did late in high school and that I am no longer the little girl who walked with her head down and tried to hide during recess to avoid being taunted by the popular kids. I am much more confident and if anyone disrespects me or anyone I love, I will defend myself and them fiercely. And if that is who I have become due to being taunted by the idiot “popular” kids, then I accept that. I embrace it. I am so strong and confident. I own who I am and if someone doesn’t like me, I don’t want them in my life.

Please don’t feel bad for me. Just know that this is why I am so driven. Why, when I lift heavy weights, I am telling all these people to take their hate and put it back on themselves. Know I didn’t just survive, I thrived.