Today I went to the mall with my mom to get a strapless bra for my wedding dress. I thought to myself “let’s try a regular sized store, you never know!”. So we went into La Senza and I got sized by the ladies there. It turns out I can wear their bras!!! I have officially gone from a size 42 to a size 38 bra! Now the odd thing is that my cup size went from a C to a D. I don’t know why that is, but I am taking it! This moment means so much to me. I have been fighting to get to a lower size for so long and now I am really seeing the changes. As a person who has been overweight her entire life, being able to shop in a regular sized clothing store is like gaining access to a secret club that everyone but yourself has had access to. It’s an incredible feeling.

Now some people would just go off and be happy, buy as the girl who has been overweight her entire life, there is this other aspect to the good news that weighs on me (pun intended??)–there is the fear. Any girl who has gone up and down in weight will know what I am talking about. I like this stage. I like the access to the skinny girl’s shops. But I am worried that this *could* not be a permanent thing and that I will gain weight at some point and lose access to the store (and the club). I won’t sit at home pining away about it, but it will always play in the back of my brain.

As it stands, this is a huge motivating factor. I am hoping that the muscles in my calves relax soon because I have an exercise date with Jerrad and Brandon Tuesday morning that I do not  intend to miss. Boo yah!