Thank you for being on television tonight. I saw this girl Andrea who, when she started, was around the weight I was when I started. And she said something that deeply resonated with me. She was tired of just making it through the last few weeks and got right down to the core–she was tired of putting people ahead of herself. She didn’t even like physical contact with people. She felt that if she hugged people they would touch her and they would realize how fat she was and would find her disgusting. I don’t know if people of average weight can truly understand the humiliating feeling one possesses when they are morbidly obese. I identified so hard with this girl. I am not the touchy-feely kind of person. I don’t hug people, I don’t invite hugs and I am not big on people touching me. And I have major body issues. I do not find myself attractive this size and didn’t look for relationships with guys because if I felt from myself this much rejection I thought it would be too much to experience it from someone else. (I need to pause and recognize that Robert loves me for who I am, has been wonderfully supportive and has not contributed to this in any way)
And I know that I won’t be able to change my mindset about myself overnight. And to be honest I don’t know if I will be able to do it without possible professional help. Or will it go away once I am at a healthy weight? Will I see myself as what I am when I get down there? All these things I can’t predict. But I want to thank the Biggest Loser for making me see some of the mental things that I only subconsciously knew about.